"You saved my life"
It’s late in the afternoon and a young man in the early stages of stepping out in life on his own, sits across from and an older man, many years of life experience under his belt and they are talking like old friends, catching up like it was 10 years not the 18 months since they last saw each other at the end of their mentoring connection.
The conversations easily switches from motorbikes, family, new living arrangements, girlfriends and then the young man stops and looks deeply at the other man. The older one notices the change in pace and asks “Are you ok mate?”
“I was a bit of shit to you wasn’t I?” he responds honestly “Yeah you were.”
“I put you through quite a bit didn’t I?” the older man answers “Yes you did but it’s ok, that’s what young people do sometimes isn’t it?”
“You always were straight with me, you told me as it is” the young man states. “Well I couldn’t do anything else mate, someone had to tell you the way life is and where you were headed if you kept making those decisions.” the mentor responds “But you got to make the choices.”
The young man looks away for a few minutes, looking across the yard “You know I went to see my mum not that long ago and I told her I forgave her for what she did to me.” The older man looks away well aware of the pain, neglect, abuse this young man experienced growing up and the constant necessary overshadow of child protection services and just stays quiet but present for him, just as he had over three years they had worked together in high school.
“Her response was to physically attack me” he remembers “But it’s ok she doesn’t have control over me anymore. I’ve got my own room now, a job which isn’t much but it’s a job and I’m not hungry anymore.” The older man turns and looks into the tear filled eyes of the other “I’m so sorry that you had to go through all of that mate, you didn’t deserve it.”
“You know you saved my life” he shakily breathes “If you hadn’t been there each time I don’t know where or what I would have done, I don’t think I’d be here.” The mentor takes a deep breath, trying to calm his own emotions, because even though they ended their mentoring relationship officially he never stopped caring , says “You should be really proud of what you have achieved. You have come a long way, just look at you now, you’re almost unrecognisable from that angry little kid I first met. I’m very proud of you.” They share a moment together in silence and then the young man says “Thank you” and the conversation shifts to lighter topics.
Our mentors often never know what impact they have in the lives of the young people they connect with in our Connections Mentoring program. Sometimes Jill, our program co-ordinator, is talking a mentor down from quitting because they can’t see any change or impact, they question what they are doing. “It’s all about the relationship." she soothes “You may never see the impact but never doubt you are making an impact.” We’re often so results driven not relationship driven as humans, but change doesn’t come from driving a young person that’s struggling. It comes with patience, a lot of listening and truth telling with love when required.
Then we get totally blessed when we hear feedback like this mentor did from the horse’s mouth so to speak. This mentor struggled for 3 years to keep showing up, being there for an angry young man, that was rejected, abused and neglected, who often told him to “Go F himself” but he showed up the next week like nothing had happened and addressed behaviour when he could. His example in action showed this young person he was valued, cared for and loved not matter what he threw out there. That’s mentoring.
The need for mentors is so great in our communities here in Launceston, so many young people are hurting, desperate to have just one person stand in their corner through the good and the bad. Do you need to have experience with children? No, we equip and support you but you were young once, you have much to offer someone.
If you would like to learn more about mentoring then please email Jill at mentoring@teenchallengetasmania.org and have a chat. It will be one of the most rewarding, but challenging things you will ever do, but you WILL make a REAL DIFFERENCE in a life.
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